My mom is one of those people that can stay on the phone talking for hours and hours, and it's a monologue. She is never interested in what I have to say unless it is about her. Lately, I've found myself hiding from her. For years, I would dodge her phone calls to conserve my energy. I have mentioned to her that she talks a lot but I think that it goes in one ear and out of the other. I am so glad that I read your article. Now I know that I'm not being mean when I go into my personal space."
Some people drain energy by always complaining, or by having dramas that need attending to. Some people drain energy by wanting to process all the time about their problems. Others drain energy through various means of trying to get approval - such as asking a lot of questions, or bragging a lot, or being overly nice. Other people drain energy by sulking or crying - being a victim and hoping someone will give them attention.
There is a very common, yet subtle, way that many people drain energy. If you are a person who ignores your own feelings and who does not take care of your own needs, then it is likely that you have an empty hole inside you. Empty holes are like vacuums - they want to get filled. Even if you don't overtly pull on others for attention or approval, your empty hole is a pull on their energy. Because you are not taking care of your own needs for love, attention and approval, you are automatically pulling on others for their love, attention and approval. Or, you might be pulling on them for affection or sex as a way to get your empty hole filled. When they pull back, you are left wondering what you did wrong.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO AVOID HAVING YOUR ENERGY DRAINED?
Most people who are energy vampires count on other people being so nice that they will give them the attention or approval they are seeking. Most people don't like speaking up because they don't want to hurt others' feelings. However, when you do this, you are allowing yourself to take responsibility for the other person's feelings rather than for your own feelings. You are abandoning yourself and making what the other person wants more important than taking care of yourself.
You cannot begin to stop the energy drain until you fully accept that you are not responsible for the other person's feelings. It is your feeling responsible for the other person that allows you to get drained.
Once you accept that you are not responsible for the other person, but that you are responsible for yourself, you will discover that you can gently extricate yourself from a draining interaction. It is not hard to learn to get off the phone or walk away when you are taking responsibility for yourself rather than for the other person's feelings.
Often you can make the most difference by being the most different. It takes courage and confidence to go against the grain of negativity that surrounds you, and such courage can bring great rewards.
When the world around you seems frenzied and hectic, you can be most effective by staying calm, peaceful and patient. When life becomes overly confused and aimless, that's the time to be focused and purposeful.
In the darkest darkness, even a small light will shine for a long, long way. In the most difficult times, even a small act of kindness will make a big difference. When the world becomes cold, seek to spread your own special warmth. Where you encounter despair, offer encouragement and hope.
Aggression will fight against aggression endlessly, but can wither away in the presence of strong and sincere peace. Greed will grow bigger and bigger when feeding on itself, but can never stand up for long to the power of selfless generosity.
When the status quo is headed in the wrong direction, it would be foolish for anyone to go along. Be different, be better, and lift your world up in your own special way.
Ralph Marston
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